Ever Heard of a 9 Darter?

(Small hiatus from the blog last year, but wanted to jump back on it here in 2020).

For anyone thinking they might want to join the professional dart world tour, 2020 might be your year! If you follow darts religiously on tv (I don’t) you would know that there was only one televised 9 darter in all of 2019. This is the lowest amount going all the way back to 2013. A 9 Darter for you that have never been exposed to it, is the most electrifying sport feat you have never heard about. It is when you win a set in the lowest amount shots required during a game of 501 (think of it as an equivalent to bowling a 300).

Have you ever been scrolling around sport channels at two in the morning and seen a crowd go nuts when someone shoots a 180 in a round? Let me be the first to tell you that has nothing on the elusive 9-darter.

Sensational. You got people dressed up as Mario, bumblebees, possibly even a lillypad or maybe they were going for commando, I don’t know. Nevertheless. These are the moments the fans get way too inebriated and end up waking up on there kitchen floor with no shirt and one shoe for. Even his opponent had to give him the nod of approval after that display of sheer brilliance. How could you not want to be apart of that?

So for that reason, if you are considering trying out for the pro tour I have written a completely unverified step by step guide to train you in order to help you prepare to qualify for the pro tour:

Step 1: Get out of bed and immediately drink a glass of water (at least 250mL). Stay hydrated.

Step 2: When grabbing your work bag on your way out the door in the morning, first incorporate 3 bag holds into your routine. This is done by holding your bag directly in front you with your arm extended as if you are just about to release a dart. This will help strengthen your forearm muscles which is necessary to get a powerful throw. Do this 3 times for around 10 seconds. If this becomes too easy over time, consider bringing extra things to work with you that you wouldn’t normally, such as the pan you used to fry your eggs in the morning or a few good sized stones from the backyard.

Step 3: Ensure that you always take your mid-morning break around the water cooler when Dave from accounting is taking his. This allows you to listen to whatever, non related work things that he wants to talk about (because obviously he doesn’t want to talk about accounting) and try to subtly throw in mildly distasteful remarks without him knowing. This allows you to work on another essential component of darts which is psychological warfare. Although some call it a gentlemen’s game, a couple of quick-witted jabs when switching spots on the striking line can be just what is necessary to give you the edge.

Step 4: After lunch when you return to your desk it is time to work on your endurance. As we know, you will have to get through a strenuous amount of time spent on your feet waiting for your opponents to shoot and it does take a toll (pro’s get stools, keep that in mind around 4 and your legs are ready to give up on you). If you have a standing desk, this should be easy to accomplish, however if you don’t, you may stick out like a giraffe. If this is the case and Susan from HR comes over asking why you aren’t sitting, just let her know you are training for the PDC (Professional Darts Corporation), she’ll get it.

Step 5: On your drive home from work we work on self-visualization. As any sport psychologist would tell you, this is a very important concept in order to prepare yourself for competition. While listening to whatever type of music you can picture being your walk-up song during the match (that has to be a thing and if it isn’t, it should be). This is an extremely crucial decision as the music you pick will make a significant impression on your opponent as well as get you in the right mindset. Pick something like “Smells Like Teen Spirit” by Nirvana or “Levels” by Avicii and it may get your heart racing a little more then you want. I’m not saying you want to go with Maroon 5 “She Will be Loved” either, but finding that song that is in the happy medium is what your drive home is for. After you have figured out the perfect music, work on the celebration. Although you are somewhat limited to upper body in the car, something like Mike performed after the 9-darter with the wide shouldered stance, heavily squinted face and a point so well executed that even Uncle Sam (the guy on the WW1 “we want you” propaganda posters. There’s your history lesson for the day) would be impressed.

Step 6: After dinner ask a friend to go out to bar to play darts. Now, they most likely will say that they just want to go to the poolhall that is located substantially closer to their house because they need to be up early the following morning for work. Agree to this willingly because pool is fun. Like always, just remember to make up for the lost practice hours in the basement next weekend while drinking beers and watching football.

Step 7: Repeat.

As far as I go. I will forgo any of these rigorous training techniques and just settle on being one of the 1000 in the crowd. I recently went a British pub to watch football, but instead found myself immersed with 20 other Europeans shootin’ darts, slammin’ pints and listening to them scream what I could only assume to be “nice shot wanker”. I can only imagine if I had 1000 fellow sauced up individuals, dressed like they just walked out of Alice in Wonderland alongside me. That sounds like a blast no matter where you are, but to think to have “Vintage Mike” and the boys up there on stage tossin around 9 darters. That’s what it’s all about.